Someone recently told me: “I want what you have, I want what you got! You get to travel for work, you have two beautiful girls, you have it all. You’re alive, you’re living it!”
I had to tell them, “Be Careful what you Wish for.”
Sure, it all looks like roses. It smells like roses. But it didn’t come from roses.
We all go through our different paths. We all pay our separate dues. We might even end up in the same place, but we went through different paths to get there.
Sure you can get a job where you get to travel the world, but I put in 15 years of retail experience, working for some hellish conglomerate big companies that lied to you from day one, and would rip out your soul if it meant that you could turn a positive profit for their shareholders. I even went through the roughest year of my life career-wise, doubting if I even ever wanted to be in retail anymore.
Sure you can have two children, maybe even two daughters. Be prepared to not sleep in EVER. Never. Never again. Not even when you’re on vacation. Be prepared to not enter a movie theater for 3.5 years. Be prepared to lose parts of your memory not because you’re getting old, but because the lack of sleep has forced your brain to cope and prioritize your life, and some memories get discarded as a result.
Sure you can feel alive, and make trips and plans on a whim. But when you lose the two most influential forces you would ever know in your life (both within the same year), you too would realize that your bucket list needs to be emptied a little here and there.
I’m forever blessed that I have the right folks around me who know that my dues have been paid. Very few know the whole whole story behind it all, and even fewer still get to share in the good times that are being had these days as a result. Sure there are times that I’m just waiting for a shoe to drop and have to deal with karma all over again. It’s ok though, I’ll be waiting for it to strike.
Song of the Day: A Wake – Macklemore ft Ryan Lewis, Evan Roman
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Because of the changes happening to this site, and the limitations of WordPress (the site that hosts this site), you probably won’t see pictures of the girls on here much longer. If you prefer, they can now be found on Facebook. I know, I know, me on FB right? Who’d have thunk it?
Well, everything changes: time changes, people change, everything changes.
You probably won’t see work trip pictures, or vacation pictures, or much else that has to do with pictures on here. This site has an upload file limit, and I guess I’ve reached that limit. Sure, I could pay to have a higher upload limit, but that wouldn’t make sense, financially and morally.
I’m finding that with less to vent about and less of a reality to ‘escape’, there are fewer conflicts happening in life. This is not only making it easier and cleaner to deal with life, but it is a heck of a lot more clear. This clarity has brought about new realizations and new plans. Funny how that works: less stress, more clarity, clearer and easier plans.
The best part is that the plans are all attainable now and will bring about some new major changes coming soon.
Song of the Day: Never Change – Jay-Z
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There are those times I catch myself asking myself “Did I make the right move?”. Almost each and every time I ask, the answer points to YES.
We had just about a perfect long weekend this past weekend. Time with the girls, some family time, and even some cleaning, organization, and purging time! We still have a ton of boxes and stuff left to purge, but at least we’re gradually getting there.
Just watching the girls growing up now, and it’s been 9 months since the move, and the move has totally paid off for them. Things are crazy hectic at work, but that’s mostly because the company has more than doubled in size over this year. I think a lot about my mental health in the old retail world, my high blood pressure, and probable shortened life span compared with where I’m at today. Sure, I’m a lot more calm, and the blood pressure has settled down. Even the family being at arm’s length away has been awesome. But when I see the value that the girls are going to have over the next 15 years, it has been worth it. Sure, there are some benefits that they will have to catch up on, not growing up in a bigger city like Toronto, but they can always catch up on that. Compared with the safety, security, and family they have in Vancouver, it’s hard to put a price on peace of mind.
I’ve always said, Far be it for me to have to complain about choosing to live and work in two cities such as Toronto and Vancouver, where many many more people don’t even have a choice.
We do things here that we wouldn’t do in Toronto like going for walks at night, having barbeques on the partio, buying flowers for the front garden, and Brooklyn even gets to take the recycling to the bottle depot for money to put in her piggy bank.
Life has changed. Some would say for the better.
Others would say, fasten your seatbelts.
Song of the Day: Moment of Clarity – Jay-Z
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If there is one thing I want to teach my girls is that they are completely undefeatable. Win the wars, not every battle. Ok, beyond that (being girls) I would teach them that they are BEAUTIFUL. Not because someone just told them that (except me), and not because someone THINKS they are, but because they ARE. And you know this. And they don’t need makeup, or dresses, or tiaras. They will know that their beauty is theirs and no one can take that away.
Sure, they will go through their phases, their experiments, and their tinkering. Sure, they will make mistakes, and hopefully none they regret for too long (or worse, longer).
Part of the job of a parent is to teach and then be there when they fail. Not all parents are great teachers, and not all parents are good supporters, and some are not good at either. I’ve always known from the very very very beginning that I would be passing knowledge on to these two little ninjas. I would make sure that they would get the heads up, the inside scoop, the true story about things of the world. Sure, they’re filtered through my jaded old man eyes, but that’s still better than believing in wishing wells and clovers.
There was a point in my life that I would never imagine having to raise one, and now TWO little girls. The fun part ahead of me is now seeing just how smart they truly are and how much of the world we can expose them to and have them take control of!
Song of the Day: If I Ruled the World – Nas ft Lauryn Hill
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What the world needs right now is something that will challenge the human spirit. The human condition itself. Our existence. NO NO NO, not like aliens attacking, and not as severe as 9/11, but something that will challenge us all, our existence, our values, our morals, our religions, and our selves. Our fundamental rules. I’m not sure what that actually is, but after the events in Boston, some people I’ve talked to never even remembered what actually happened that day. It could be that it was so far away that they shut it out of their minds. It could also be that it never really hit close to home, so it was easy to forget it (how many people forgot about Haiti, or New Orleans already?) It could also be that the world is looking down on America right now as a hot, hot mess?
A part of me wants to see something happen that brings so much tragedy to the human soul that the world is forced to come together. Forced to put aside the differences, the greed, the agendas, and work on The World.
Sure, I’m a dreamer, but how else do we really even come close to world peace? Not just the countries and the people that are starving, but now the individuals and the groups that are wanting to take people down, add the people that are just blatantly taking advantage of others. Sure, capitalism evokes hierarchy, but really, there are still parts of the planet that we could be occupying instead of destroying. Nations of people that we could be feeding and educating instead of shunning. Ok, sure now I’m dreaming.
Sometimes I just get sick of the world and feel that no matter what happens, even World War III, it’s all useless at this point. We’ve all effed up the planet.
From global warming, climate change, and destroying the planet’s resources, to Too Little Too Late in our recovery efforts, I just sense that it’s all going to heck for our next generations. Add to that, the Education system is completely blinding and filtering our kids, and some of them will still never learn what they need in the real world to survive, nonetheless make and affect change.
I do fear that something bad will happen, something completely tragic. Something’s on the horizon that will change human history as we know it. I just hope it’s for the good.
Song of the Day: King For a Day – Thompson Twins
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As I think about how to evolve this space and what’s next for it, a few things come into play. Sure, the move out West has allowed for a greater work-life balance. It’s actually feeling like more life than work at this point, but don’t tell anyone. The other night on a Wednesday night, I was able to take the two little girls out for dinner on our own, head to the playground before sundown, and pickup a bunch of plants to start our backyard patio garden, all on a WEEKNIGHT. This would have NEVER happened in the past 5 years. Sure, Brooklyn is way more independent, but just considering that when I’m off the work clock, I’m entirely off the work clock with NO guilt…. Amazing.
So, sure there’s more time apart from work, and really truly living the “work hard, play hard” aspect of it all, but there’s still something about this space.
I’ve talked alot about life, about coping, about adjusting and evolving. I’ve changed over the last five years that this thing has been alive. What once was used to vent and air out life’s frustrations, is now obsolete as life doesn’t have so many frustrations at this point. I never stirred up controversy. I never brought you breaking news. I never revealed great secrets of King Tut’s tomb. I just told it like it was (to me). I told my side of the story. I showed my filter of life. So, what’s next?
Photos of the girls are now found on Facebook. Twitter is just the mad, frantic, panic, shit-disturbing version of me that comes out every now and again. There really isn’t that much to talk about on here.
What more can I say? What more can I do?
Let me have a drink and think about it.
Song of the Day: What More Can I Say? – Jay-Z
Can I tell you how excited I am to see Jay live in concert again? Row 8 Floor seats. So happy.
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I really really really love this kind of stuff:
Song of the Day: What More Can I Say – Jay-Z
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